dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize