I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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