I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
