you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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