happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i dont even know how to be here
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
