He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
