I wanna passion pit in your ass
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
