whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
