my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
