I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
