There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
