I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
