My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
a search helicopter?!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
