They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize
