I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
