i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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