You made me cry and you don't even care
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize