I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
