I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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