Need sex. Gaining weight.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
