so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize