God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
