Don't you send me to vm
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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