so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
MIDGETS
????
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
