it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
