I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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