i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
