Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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