My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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