I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
