First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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