we made out on top of his cat.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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