i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
