R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
FUCK WHALES
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
