I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
