just tell him i said nine months
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
try to milk me bitch
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