the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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