I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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