well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I party with great urgency now.
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