I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize