I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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