I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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