Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think my moral compass just broke
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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