I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize