Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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