Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
