So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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