Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
