I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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