Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
