she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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