Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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