You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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