i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
