My first STD was from a foam party
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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