he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize