matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
