i love accidental penises.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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