Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
