Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize