Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
