He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
