farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
