that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
