Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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