so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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