Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
