Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
