I think I won the penis lottery.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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