I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
