its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
