Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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