Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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