No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
