It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
