I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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