just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
