I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
