He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
