he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
