Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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