I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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