It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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