That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
