just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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