im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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