i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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