You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
