I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
