she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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