***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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