Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
