The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
