we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Drunk is not a location!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize