Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
