**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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