Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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