so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
