I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
