wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
