No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
