My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
