Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
