A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
