My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just threw up on my dentist
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
