And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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