do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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