The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my liver is dry heaving
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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