highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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