A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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