The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
